Should he live at home with us?

[creeves]

#6527

Our son, 19,  is currently in his 4th rehab stay which he initiated on his own.  Before this stint, he had been sharing an apartment with recovering friends, but he relapsed, used heroin for one month, and not only disappointed his roommates but took advantage as well; they no longer want him to live with them.  We, his parents, are not sure if, after he gets out of rehab, whether he should come live with us.  Since last October, when he got out of another rehab, he hasn’t wanted to live at home, but he has lived with various friends where people smoke and drink, so, naturally, he hasn’t been successful “working things out on my own.”  We went to a counselor a few days ago who adamantly told us that we should not allow him to live at home since we would be stressed and could easily become “police” who preach, punish, threat, and demand.  Yes, I know about sober houses but when he tried that, he “flunked” after three weeks, made friends with another heroin abuser and they became fast friends who eventually used together.

So my question is:  is it always a bad idea for them to live at home?

[Wonderment50]

#6528

I think you should allow him to come home. You have to have boundaries though. You can’t take things personally, you can’t demand, threaten, lecture or beg. Don’t give in to his begging for money or using your car. You are showing your love and support by putting a roof over his head and food in his stomach, and love. Give him no money, if you feel he does need something, take him and go buy it. Shoes, toiletries, etc. And don’t be afraid to tell him  no! 

[JAK]

#6600

Creeves, what did you end up doing?

[Author]

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