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Sotired, I had the same problem for a very long time.
One thing that helped me was finding a support group. They not only encouraged me to reconsider how I was thinking about self-care (I was thinking it was selfish!) but after a few meetings it became clear to me that it was really more like self-preservation. I guess that somehow I was thinking that my worrying so much was something that I had to do, that it was unavoidable. And I worried all the time. But the group helped me see that it really wasn’t helping. It was making it impossible for me to think clearly and one of us needed to be thinking clearly here! They also gave me some ideas of how to get started (of course I get credit for the first step in my self-care plan by taking a chance on finding a support group! 🙂 ) My self-care plan is not elaborate. I started by taking care of regular health care things (medical appointments that were overdue, that sort of thing). I made a promise to myself to walk at least 20 minutes each day and I reconnected with a good friend and she’s been great. I see her frequently now and we’re signing up for a yoga class! Do I still worry? Yes, but I guess I can now say that it’s not the ONLY thing I do! And for a long time, it was the only thing I seemed to do!
The biggest surprise is that somehow, my loved one is behaving more respectfully around me. I had read that how you treat yourself sends a message to others (and to yourself…that you’re “worth” respect and care). This seems to be true and the shift in my loved one’s attitude seems like a really good step in the right direction. It’s nice to see some change that is for the better after so many months (years!) of change for the worse!
I am starting to realize that after ‘trying everything’ and finding that nothing worked, I needed to open my mind to the possibility that there is another way and do some careful experimenting with some new things like self-care. So far, I’ve been pretty impressed and there is a bonus: I seem to have a little more energy now and that’s making it easier to tackle some of these worksheets! 🙂
Take care!