CNKParticipantJune 7, 2014 at 12:57 pmPost count: 5
So, I am a pretty skeptical person by my very nature. I don’t just believe that things are going to work right away. When I was directed to this site, I thought, “this seems to me to be way to light” like we are letting them off the hook.
I’ve tried it all in the past. I’ve yelled, I’ve screamed, I’ve threatened (and come through on my threats!), and nothing has worked. My relationship with my kid has just gone down hill, and down hill fast. We barely spoke to one another, and we were always angry. So, I was willing to give this positive communication stuff a try.
WOW! It started off slow. I had a hard time keeping back some of my anger, and not sticking a barb in there that would blow up the whole thing. But, over a little time, and with some real practice and help from my wife, things started to get better. I was having conversations with my son where we didn’t yell! He started to slowly return to our lives! He even started to smile and choose to be around us again! It felt too good to be true.
It’s not like we don’t have serious things to say to one another, we do. Sometimes we disagree, and sometimes we still fight and argue, but the whole thing has a different tone. We can disagree and still communicate in a way that projects love and connection to one another. We can even talk about things that aren’t about his use, or behaviors that we want to change, etc. We can just speak to one another! And I feel like my blood pressure has gone down 100 points!
This style of speaking goes against everything I’ve been told about “tough love” and “confronting them”. And, it works so much better! Which makes sense, I don’t like people to confront me about things in my life. I just wish someone had told me about this years ago! My wife and I even use it with one another, and we are stronger than ever! Thank you for this guide!
mouseParticipantJune 11, 2014 at 11:16 pmPost count: 8
Thanks for this post CNK!
I found it very encouraging. 🙂
May I ask how long you’ve been using CRAFT with your son?
Have you had some help with it, or just been working thru the guidebook here?
And have you noticed any changes in your son’s behavior (other than improved communication)?
I’m so new to this, trying to find my way, wondering if positive change for my loved one is a real possibility.
CNKParticipantJune 12, 2014 at 4:52 pmPost count: 5
Mouse, keep trying this stuff! Most of my practice came from the 20 minute guide and reading Beyond Addiction. It’s pretty hard to find anyone who actually does CRAFT in my area.
As for my son, yes, there have been a ton of changes! Since we stopped yelling at one another, we’ve been able speak about substance use, we’ve been able to speak about behaviors I’d like to see, and what he would like to see from me, and we’ve been able to get back to liking one another (I know, it’s a horrible thing to say that you don’t “like” your child, but that was the case!). It has been refreshing!
Is he using less? I think he has to be, because I don’t see him high and actually see him more often and he sober when I see him! I think by changing the dynamic between us, it made it possible for him to use less.
Keep practicing this stuff mouse, it only gets better with time!
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