Kicked out of Sober Living-what now?

[jredshaw]

#1656

<p> My 18 year old son relapsed for the 2nd time in his sober living house and got kicked out.  He had three choices:  go to a treatment center, come home, or go to the homeless shelter.  He chose to come home.  He is here now and I have no idea where to start.  He said he wants to be sober “sometimes.”  He doesn’t want to go to treatment, but did say he would go to counseling once a week.  I feel like he needs to get a job or volunteer or something-can’t sit around all day.  I’d like to see him go to a meeting or two to connect with people.  So many questions:  What happens if he uses drugs in the house?  Or comes home high?  Should we hide our money (he has stolen from his brother in the past)?  What if he gets a job-does he get the money?  Just don’t know what we’re doing.  This is very new.  When we found out, we took him to detox and then to wilderness therapy and then to sober living.  So many people tell us to just kick him out…I don’t think we’re ready to kick him out yet…</p><p>I have not read Beyond Addiction yet (it’s on hold at the library), but have read the 20 minute guide.  Any suggestions?</p>

[JAK]

#1657

Hi jredshaw. One way to look at this is that he does say that he wants to be sober “sometimes” and not never (kind of “cup half full”). Perhaps the first thing to do is just focus on what motivates him to be sober at those times. The Behaviors Makes Sense session (http://the20minuteguide.com/parents/helping/behaviors-make-sense/) can possibly help you do that.

The reason you might want to start there is that he is telling you that there are times that he is motivated, and if you can identify those things that do motivate him, then you can use that information to help you create ways to reinforce positive change. In other words, he’s telling you that there is a path full of green lights, but you have to find out what it is!

I know it can be hard to put the other stuff on the back burner, but spending some time up front to understand what is motivating him can really help you down the road.

Hope this helps!

[TracyE]

#1662

Dear jredshaw,

I feel your pain. First of all, he obviously isn’t serious about resisting drugs. Why was he kicked out? I however, do not believe in kicking your son out to the street. That is never a good thing especially at 18. At least at home you can still keep an eye on him, but there should be strict rules, chores, etc with not much idle time- maybe a written contract in order to stay in your house. Hopefully he will abide by them. Also, hide your money, check books and valuable things that can be taken and sold. Don’t even leave your computer etc around when he is home alone. Watch him like a hawk and make sure he goes to meetings, keeps a log and gets a job and volunteers within a reasonable period of time. This isn’t always easy. He probably needs a outpatient program if he’s living with you since he isn’t ready or sure to stay clean. The question always is, why is he using to begin with? If he uses again, which I hate to say is probably likely, put him into a longer term treatment. Staying at home he may be too close to his surroundings on where to get drugs and bad people to hang around with. Also sober houses aren’t that good and don’t provide real treatment or therapy. He also needs to see a therapist regularly. Good luck.

[Author]

Posts